Thursday, August 12, 2010

My Case for the Chills

I would like to preface this entry with a little shout-out to one of the most important things in my life right now: air conditioning.

Dearest AC,
Thank you for being yourself and doing your job so well. Every time I need you, you are there for me. Whether you are in my house, my car, the office or Starbucks, you are the most awesome invention to ever come into being. I am so thankful to live in this century where our existences can coincide.

Aside from paying the hefty electric bills for your increased usage, if there’s ever anything I can do for you, let me know. I am very good at baking cookies and knitting scarves. Please continue to be your awesome self. I would likely die without you. Or be forced into a murderous rage that would lead to the event that would later be known as the “Overheated Swamp Rat August Massacre.”

Hugs and Kisses,

I have no idea why this kind of weather has been allowed to persist for over a week, but I am ready to be done. I do not live in the tropics for a good reason. This is MINNESOTA. People think we live in igloos and ride around on Zambonis year round. Although I kindof wish this were true. I would also need an igloo garage for my Zamboni, because I sure as anything am not going to spend half an hour shoveling and scraping that thing after it snows. My Corolla is enough work, thankyouverymuch.

Here is an interesting revelation. In my minute of considering igloos and scraping ice from vehicles, I have managed to make myself wish for winter. Insane. Actually, here is a little secret. Maybe it’s not really a secret as I believe many people know this about me already, but I infinitely prefer to be a little chilled to being a little warm.

My reasoning is entirely logical. It is far easier to put on more clothes to warm myself than to take off clothes to cool myself. Basically, once you reach the point of near nakedness, there is just nothing else to do. Generally, I am not in a place that near nakedness is allowed (work, school, Panera, etc.) so I cannot even get that far.

Here is another logical point: it is far easier to sleep if the house is a little on the cold side than if it’s just a few degrees above comfort level. This is why I generally turn my AC off for good around October and sometimes don’t turn the heat on until January. Just kidding, I usually wait for mid-December.

I love coffee beverages – lattes, mochas, espresso, coffee, etc. While I do enjoy the iced varieties, I prefer the hot version. Unfortunately, there is no way that I can possibly partake of the hot drinks during weeks such as this because I would likely melt into a sweaty beige puddle. In cold temperatures, these drinks are ideal. They make me feel cozy, happy and at peace with the world. Extra bonus: I am much less likely to swear at people in traffic if I am not sweating my eyeballs out.

Hopefully, this weekend the heat and humidity will break as predicted and I can pursue some new blog topics that don’t reference my temperature issues. Until then, I will think cool thoughts of ice bergs, liquid nitrogen and spearmint gum.

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