Saturday, September 22, 2012

Not the post I intended to write

To state the obvious, it is a new day.  A Saturday, to be precise.  A glorious Saturday, to be more precise.  Why?  Because it is a weekend free from obligations, at least for me.  To do with whatever I please.  Jealous?

You might be.  But you might also be my good friend J who is currently in Europe on her babymoon with her Swedish husband.  Then you would not be so jealous I would think.  But (for me) to be in Italy without being able to drink wine or eat unpasteurized cheeses, it might not be quite as awesome.  But J is not as much of a wino as I am in Italian situations.  This gal has travel mojo if such a thing exists. 

But this is beside the point.  Today I am going to do things that I want and need to do.  First item on the agenda?  Change out of my pajamas, which consists of an oversized t-shirt portraying Bucky the Badger holding a syringe and medical bag labelled "DVM" and a pair of flood-water length lounge pants bearing the Monchichi logo.  If you do not know what a Monchichi is, I am not going to tell you because you need to figure it out for yourself.  Needless to say, I look awesome.

From the point of pajama removal, I intend to don an outfit suitable for a brisk outdoor walk around one of the fine lakes of Minneapolis.  I am undecided about which one, but I would guess that Lake Harriet will probably be the pick as it is the best.  Oh, and Lena will be coming with me.  Maybe (for once) I will remember to bring along my phone so I can take some cool artsy Instagram photos. 

Après-walk we shall return home where I will shower and prepare myself to be in enclosed public spaces for I must venture forth to the craft and grocery stores.  This is not part of my normal routine, mind you, but I have need of some items that I do not have in the house at present.  Like embroidery hoops.  And food.  

After that excursion, it is anyone's guess.  Most likely I will be putting the embroidery hoops to use in a new but totally legitimate way.  I have a "project" to do.  I might play the piano a little bit.  Or call a friend.  Read a book.  Watch a movie.

And tomorrow?  Who knows?  Maybe I will take a madcap adventure up to my house and fetch the mail and check on the plumbing.  Being in this limbo phase where I still own a house full of my stuff while waiting for the lender to process the short sale request is both extremely easy and excruciatingly difficult.  Easy because all I really have to do is wait and difficult because I still have to pay ALL the bills associated with the property until it no longer belongs to me.  And as I do not get to enjoy much time up there any more, it seems like a colossal waste of funds.  But hopefully it will all work out in the end.  By Christmas, I hope.

Why so much braggadocio about my leisurely schedule?  Well, it is not designed to make anyone jealous.  Really.  It is more to make myself feel more positive about utilizing my time well.  With so many friends pregnant, dealing with new babies, getting engaged or married or going on fabulous vacations, I need to remind myself (in public forum) that my life is really not too bad either.  

If you did not know, I am well aware that I am 32 years old.  I choose not to label myself the same way as others might:  single and childless.  Or rather, I choose to make those labels positive.  I am happy to be here.  

This week was the five year anniversary of my youngest brother's death.  He was 19 years old.  He was vivacious, hilarious and loquacious.  He (like me) loved to use lengthy vocabulary words.  I miss everything that he brought to my life and the lives of our family members and friends.  But he could have been none of those things and I still would have loved him because he was my brother.  

There are so many things that he could have become, but we can only speculate.  His new days do not continue and he no longer has the opportunity to take a simple walk around the lake or call a friend to chat.  Every South Park episode and every Ben Folds album that has come out in the last five years has passed through without his commentary.  

But I have seen them.  I have heard them.  It is because of this that I choose to do the things that I do; I do them because I can.  I will live my life and take whatever comes with it.  If that does not lead to marriage and children, so be it.  Those things, while wonderful in a general sense and in the lives of people I know and love, do not define a person.  I love my friends because of who they are, not because of their marital or parental status.  Those things have become part of who they are, but it is not their sole definition.

Has this become a bit of a manifesto?  Possibly.  Should I get started on all the things I said I would do?  Definitely.  So that brings me to the end of this entry.  At the outset I did not intend to get as serious, but I have to go where the current takes me when it comes to writing.  Excuse me now, I need to go for a walk. 

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